Stages of relationship

Ive been in this relationship for 3 and a half years now. I know it is a long time but we're doing fine until... we were apart after we finished our study. We kind of fought a lot, not particular big issues but when it gone for weeks, it gave me headache. We literally giving each other space for some time and we are totally devastated for not communicating because the fact that we do love each other but what gives away those hatred?

Strangers, again.

I really thought that we passed the stage where we had fought a lot during 1-2 years together. but now it seems to repeat itself again. I watched the video that he gave me in our earlier stage of relationship so that we didnt end up like that (you should watch to know the ending though :p). It is pretty interesting video and how i realized that we are in the middle of stage 5: tolerance. Sometimes I cant even agreed on things that doesnt benefit me in some point. My problem is i always want to win. And we both have our ego. I want to win, and he didnt let me win. 

The fact that we are miles apart only make it worst. He is not here to comfort me, and im not there to cheer him up. We know that we're not looking for someone new but how much we try to fix our relationship, it is just going nowhere. Maybe we should try harder? Well hopefully i have a happy ending because i cant take this relationship (the negative one) anymore.

P/s: I still love him if you're questioning my decision

DNA runs in your blood

I found myself these day missing my mum even more, I don't know why. Hormones maybe. My mum passed away when I was 12, 3 months before I sat for UPSR. My life has never been the same after that. It is tough but I survived :)

But today, I am thrilled to learn something. My dad was rummaging through her old stuff like clothes and handbags and was planning in giving to me. Clothes really doesn't suit me since they're old and not so trendy these days. But handbags, wow they were 3 of them and still they look so new and expensive (not to mention that one of them is Gucci). So I took them and found this small book and a couple of pictures of her. We don't have many photos of her since camera back then was not cheap and capturing picture also was not a trend like nowadays. So, having some of these photos really meant something to me since I started to forget how she looks like, or how she wears her scarf and mostly what taste of her food be like. It was devastating at first but I have passed the stage anyway.

Besides of the photos, what really captured my attention is this small yellowish book that being kept inside one of the handbags. It was the notes of expenses of everything my mum bought. For anyone, it must be some rubbish and would throw it away but for me it reminded me of how I used to have the same small book, and written all of my expenses of the day! Wicked. Not that we resemble each other so much (many people said that I look like my mum) but the fact that we kinda have similar behavior. I know some people do write their expenses down but the people around me doesn't. My family didn't write down their expenses and spending money like there's no tomorrow and my friends, not that I know of. The purpose of doing that is because I lost track of where my money have gone (because I was a big spender, that's why lol). 

Having these kind of similarities really comfort me that even though she is not here anymore, but her presence always be in my heart, her DNA runs inside me and I should be proud of myself for being her daughter. I miss you mum.

lol just like me 

I need a job... (such a desperate title. lol)

Woww it has been ages since my last post, and a lot has happened during that time. First of all, I managed to complete my degree year and waiting for my convocation day (which is next year, duhh) but yeayy me! And during my last semester also I managed to get dean’s list, that was a great news to me since my brother and sister had challenged me from the beginning of the semester and I proved them that I could get that. I didn’t do that for reward because I didn’t ask them anything in return but it is more like a reward for myself that I am able to end my study with something meaningful. And kudos to my friends who had been such a wonderful mates along my final year. Gosh I really miss to hang out with you guys right now. Distance suck isn’t.

Im finally jobless now!!

If you're happened to be an employer and reading this, PLEASE HIRE ME! I am a potential candidate that you don’t want to miss. Seriously I would do anything for a job.

I do sound desperate right. Hahaha. But seriously I need one now. I really enjoyed my first month at home, feel all kind of relieved not to have to open books (not like i open it everyday during my study :p), doing all the house chores and all, but for two months? It suffocated me to have the same routine and nothing to do. I finished my house chores by 1 pm then I would do nothing productive till the end of my days. and it continue again and again with nothing interest me. I really need some challenge to enhance my brain or else I feel old and grumpy and rusty blurghh. I could smell my room like an old man really died in here. Or is it?

It feels kind of sad to read the requirements for the job that I'm applied. Sometimes they preferred male for the job, or can I say most of the time. So why I enrolled for this course at the first place. I'm not going to be all feminist here because maybe they really need them for heavy duty that woman cant comprehend to do. First stage: denial. hahahaha. But really, my lecturer even said that we, women should working out our sweats more to be an equal place as men are. Still finger cross for that day to come. Pray for me!